Rikku's Search for Answers
by Gining
Summary: Alternate ending, Rikku's thoughts taken with a dose of artistic liberties. I literally spent months writing this in hopes for something good. ****Complete****
1. Where it all began

Author's note- I'm going to attempt a new style of writing here this time around. I decided I needed something new, something more adult sounding. That being said, I should explain what this is about. Just keep in mind that not everything is exact, I did take some artistic _liberties_ during the story.

It is an alternate_ ending_ to Final Fantasy X. Tidus is still around, but Auron has left for the farplane just like the game says. Yet before his passing, he and Rikku shared a moment that she wonders whether it really happened or not. In the end, Rikku is driven to go on a journey to understand more of herself, and perhaps that moment more clearly. The story is told from Rikku's point of view many years after the events have happened, much like an autobiography.

--I want to thank Fwe for her _amazing_ beta skills. Now while I didn't take all her suggestions, she did make some good points. I did make needed changes as the story called for it. But this is my story, and.....eh, never mind. Disclaimer says that Gin owns no rights to the places or characters within. Read at your own risk, but if you read, wanna review while you're at it?

* * *

What we do in life echoes through eternity. I heard that line so many times when I was a kid I had a hard time believing it was true. It sounded like one of those sayings parents use when kids are doing something stupid. But who knows? It seems true now. Perhaps it was my punishment for what I had done to Auron all those years ago. I'm sure Wakka would agree. He wasn't too thrilled when he found out.

Maybe I should explain what I'm talking about – it might help you understand. Name's Rikku, nice to meet you. I'm Cid's daughter. You know – the leader of the Al Bhed? Well he used to be, at least. After we defeated Sin and that crazy Seymour, my people just kinda gave up on Home and decided that it was much more fun to live in the world. I agreed, of course. I traveled, too, mostly to get away from Pops. He wasn't too happy when he saw me a few weeks later. Pops always was the type to think that a woman should be married and settled down by the time they reached nineteen. Well, guess what – I wasn't that type.

But, I think maybe I should start at the beginning. Not so far back as Sin, really. Well, maybe a little. But, that's not the story I have to tell. Mine's a little different. Mine has more to do with Auron.

* * *

The week before we went to fight Sin and Yevon for the final time, Tidus thought it would be a good idea to take some time and rest so we would be able to fight our best when the time came. We landed the airship in the Calm Lands and did just that. I was having a great time trying to forget why we were really together and thinking more about how fun it was just having all of us together. I don't know who it was, or when, but sometime during the night someone brought out a case of Al Bhed Puinpuh. They added it to the punch and, being the type of active girl I am, you can guess how dehydrated I can get. So me being me, I was at the drink table a lot. I must have drank over half that bowl by myself.

After some of the people on board the ship had gone off to bed, I noticed Auron sitting alone and staring at the stars above us. I can't stand to see anyone looking sad, and he was no different. I never thought he liked me very much so I should have stayed away, but in my inebriated state, I was unable to make myself do that. So with cup in hand I went over and joined him. I had almost made it behind him like the thief I am, but I tripped all over my feet. I never knew how fast Auron could move until that moment. Within the span of half a second he was on his feet and catching me before I could hit the dirt.

I was being held in his arms and all I could do was blink and stare up at him. I'm not sure what he was thinking in that moment, but I'm pretty sure one of them was not how cute I was. He tried to set me down, but I held tightly onto him. My arm wrapped around his neck and I pulled him close to me. I remember his eye opening wide in surprise before my lips covered his. He couldn't have been totally against it. He did kiss me back. The taste of him was one I know I will never forget. He was drinking himself, and there was sake on his tongue. I could taste it as he used it to run on the inside of my mouth.

I vaguely remember him saying words along the lines of not being right, or something like that. I'm not quite sure anymore. My feelings and the alcohol I had prevented me from doing what I knew should be done. I do know his protests only served to encourage me to keep trying to convince him not to stop. I was already in his arms and being carried inside the airship.

After that everything was a blur of action. There was some feeling of coolness and then warmth like I'd never known before or since. It was the most amazing thing of my short life up to that point. But then it ended much sooner then I would have liked. Daybreak came, and when I woke up I was alone and wearing little more then my sheets. (It wasn't uncommon for me to sleep nude when it was hot outside, I just never did it when I was with the group.) I began to wonder if the night had even happened. My head hurt and bits and pieces were fuzzy at best. Holding one hand to my head to try and remember what happened (and failing miserably, mind you) I made my way into the shower.

The next few days were full of preparations and training. I attempted to talk to Auron several times, but never found my chance. By the time the day came to fight Sin, talking to him was the last thing on my mind. We traveled for what felt like days, but were really only hours inside the body of Sin. When we finally met up with Sir Jecht, I know my heart went out to Tidus. We would have to fight his father. This was Uncle Braska's Final Aeon.

There were times when my Pops and I fought. Of course, we used words. Not swords. I don't think I could ever do what Tidus did. And yet, there was a freedom about the fight. Like Sir Jecht was going to be liberated after this. As he fell after the fight, I noticed Auron stiffen like he was about to run and catch his friend before he could hit the floor. His single eye closed in agony as we watched Tidus and Jecht have their last conversation together.

I wanted to reach out to Auron, but now was not the time. We still had to fight Yevon before Spira could be free again. There was so much burdening him down now that I couldn't bare to try to tell him what was on me. I looked away instead to Yunie who had begun calling each of her aeons one by one. I could see the sadness and determination on her face. I hated to do it, but I slashed and hacked each aeon as Yevon took over it. It was one of those kill or be killed times. I didn't think, didn't feel, just attacked.

After it was all over and Yunie began to dance to send the pyerflies of Sin to where they belonged, I smiled in relief. I was still smiling as I turned around to look at everyone. _We did it! We defeated Sin!_ My smile faded quickly. There, in the back, behind us all stood Auron. Colored lights flew around him and I had to rub my eyes before I realized they were not floating around him, but _from_ him. Yunie gasped from behind me, and that was when he spoke.

"It's all right. Don't stop." He walked by us all, giving each of us a passing glance as he moved. It seemed at the time that his eye might have lingered on me longer than it should have; but, that was probably only my imagination. I was so struck by the fact I would never be able to see him, to talk to him again, that I was making more out of the look than I should have. It's just that I never expected for him to vanish before my eyes!

How was I to talk to him now? I wondered that more than once as his body became more and more transparent. I could feel tears as they tried to run down my cheeks, but I blinked them back quickly. How could I explain them, after all? I wasn't even sure if that night was real or not between us. I knew then that it was time for me to forget that night and to stop trying so hard to remember it. Just like most things, it was gone and not coming back. And Auron was just another one of those things.

Days passed and I decided that the only way to forget about Auron was to travel. That might seem like such a quick time to move on, but you have to remember, there really wasn't anything between Auron and I no matter how broken I was by his passing. All I wanted was to move on. I had been around Spira at least twice when I finally met up with Pops once more outside the city of Bevelle. I had been on a delivery for Rin when Pops saw me entering the city from Macalania Road. We stood in place staring at one another in silence before I noticed his eyes shift down on my body. I had taken to wearing a halter top and skirt now. The top was short, but really not that bad. Sure my belly was exposed, but no more so than half the woman in Spira. I didn't understand the frown he wore at first.

"You've gone and done it now, girl." He stated at last before adding a few swears here and there. A tiny vein in his head began to pulse and I wondered what he was talking about.

"I'm sorry, Pops. I don't get it." I had hoped he would understand and explain it to me. But, of course, he wouldn't. He simply shook his head and passed me by muttering about what we do now echoing through eternity. I stood in place, watching him as he ignored me and continued on his way.

I spent that day in a daze, unsure of what I was doing or where I was going. My body seemed to know even if my mind did not. Rin let me go after I traveled back to the Thunder Planes to give him his gil from the goods that I delivered. He gave me my pay as he too frowned down at me and stared at my midsection.I stood in that place shifting from foot to foot.

I asked Rin what the matter was. He hummed once before offering a weak reply at best. "There are just some things you don't talk about in public."

My jaw dropped until I realized that a customer had walked in at about that time. I closed my mouth with an audible clack of teeth before I turned around and walked out of the agency. Outside I leaned against the building and sighed. I had learned how to control my fear of the lightning, but I still flinched from time to time as it flashed. The storm picked up at this point and I began to feel quite ill. I held my stomach as if I feared I might throw up right there, but I managed to keep it all inside.

When the feeling had passed I stood up straight once more and stared over the rocky landscape. "I wonder what Yunie is doing right now?" I never expected an answer, so when the sound of the wind sounded like 'Go,' I didn't know what to do. Several more times it happened until I felt I had no other choice. I went to Besaid.

* * *

It was there in Besaid that I began to understand why Pops and Rin looked at me the way they had. I had arrived three weeks after parting from them. Lulu had been the first to greet me when I arrived to the village gate. She was still the same as always. Her hair was pulled back away from her face except for the thick piece of bangs that hid one eye from view. Her pale skin still stood in stark contrast to the rest of the island dwellers' dark complexions. It was obvious she was used to being inside working on cloth like some of the other woman of the village.

It should have come as no surprise when Lulu took me first to see Yunie before anyone else. We found her inside the old temple sitting in one of the rooms with children all around her. She was in the middle of telling a story, but I noticed when her bi-colored eyes jumped up and met mine. It was almost like a shock running through my system in that instant. There was a feeling like she knew more about me than I did. And knowing her, she probably did.

We stood there for about ten minutes waiting as she finished her story. The children around her hugged at her legs before running past us and out the door as she stood. She rested one cheek in the palm of her hand as she looked at me.

"Um, Yunie?" I questioned weakly.

With a voice so silent I had to strain to hear, Yunie asked me one question. Now if anyone else had asked me this question I probably would have screamed and shouted and told them to mind their own business. But this was _Yunie_. You can't just tell her off in the same way you would anyone else. "Rikku, when was the last time you had your monthly?"

I gasped since this was not a thought I had given much attention to. In seconds, I was sobbing great sobs like I never had before. It was like every memory hit me at once and with startling clarity. In that moment I knew the night between Auron and I was real. Just as I knew Lulu's dress was black and Wakka's hair was red. It was as real as the fact that my mother was dead and not coming back. If you had asked me what it was like in that moment, if you could understand my words between each sob, then I'm sure it could have made even the most extroverted of people blush red.

I don't know how long I sat on that stone floor and cried, but not once did Lulu or Yunie leave. They didn't yell at me or tell me what a terrible person I was, either. They simply held me, stroked my hair, and told me it would all be all right in the end. I wanted to believe them. I did. But I found it so hard to when I was presented with the cold hard facts.

Soon my sobs subsided and I used the back of my hand to wipe away the leftover traces of my tears. I sniffled a few times and the two of them waited until I was done before speaking. It was Lulu who spoke first and if I didn't know her so well I would have thought she was criticizing me. "Seeing as you are not too far, it would be safe to assume this happened quite recently. Rikku, would you tell us who it was?"

I opened my mouth a few times before closing it and shaking my head. How could I betray Auron like that? Everyone knew him as a hero, a legend. I wasn't about to be the one person to tarnish that reputation. Turning my face away from them, I stood. I didn't want to see their sympathy or whatever else they might have regarded me with. "I don't think I should say, you know. It might be better that way."

If Lulu was going to say something after that I'll never know, because Yunie used the softness of her voice to reassure me. "That's all right. Some secrets are meant to stay that way, I think. Sometimes if someone may be hurt, it's best not to say anything. Don't you agree, Lulu?"

I knew she was trying to help me, but with the way Lulu huffed she wasn't happy at all. Small sounds of beads and other hair ornaments clinked as she left the two of us alone. "She's angry at me," I said sadly. I can't say I blamed her. Had I been in her place, I'm sure I would have done the same thing.

"She'll get over it eventually." It was shocking to hear such a thing come from my cousin, but I knew she was right. Lulu was just the type to hate being left out. I thanked her for understanding so well, but she directed the conversation back to my condition. "You really should be checked out. Being as young as you are, there is no telling what could happen."

She was right of course, but I was scared. Being looked at by a doctor would only make it even more real. Right now I could pretend that this was all a dream I would be waking up from in a few hours. I must have shown my fears for Yunie then assured me that it did not have to be done right away. As long as it was done before the week was out. Naturally I agreed to this and followed her as she went back to her little hut. Tidus was inside waiting for her return and I was rewarded with a huge hug that I was sure would have crushed a rib or two had my cousin not spoken up in time.

I managed to laugh as he put me back on the floor, but only because he made the face he always did when he was confused. It was one I had seen often while we were on our adventures together. Seeing it again now was like being thrown back to that time. "How long you staying with us?" He asked with only the innocence he could possess.

I pulled lies out of the air as I struggled for the answer that would seem least obvious. Yet each one was worse than the last. I finally settled on telling him that I wasn't sure. Perhaps a week, maybe more. He seemed to accept this and I relaxed that knowing, at least for now, my secret was going to remain safe. Together they showed me a place where I could sleep until a more suitable one could be found.

It was good enough for now and I was thankful just to have a soft pillow under my head. Sleeping in bedrolls all the time was not easy. The ground was hard and fiends were abundant. I was lucky if I was able to sleep more than two hours at a time without being attacked.

I don't think I dreamed any dreams that night, or if I did, they're a blur to me. When I woke up the next morning Yunie was waiting for me in her kitchen. All sorts of breakfast foods sat upon the table just begging to be eaten. There were eggs, fruit and a mix of oats and milk that I normally avoided, but in that moment seemed the one thing I wanted most. I squealed in joy and sat down just at the same time Tidus did, and we dug in. We always were the two who didn't care what people said about us as we ate. If it was there, we ate it, simple as that. But when Yunie joined us I noticed she took much more careful bites then either of us did. Suddenly I began to feel ashamed at how I was acting.

I watched her as she took such delicate bites. Looking down at my own food, I realized I should be doing the same. Being very careful with my utensil, I followed Yunie. As she was lifting food to her mouth, I was picking more up so it did not seem as if I were copying her. This I think, was the first step in my maturity.

After breakfast, Tidus went to retrieve Lulu, and she and Yunie examined me. I winced once or twice as they poked and prodded at me, but otherwise said nothing. When they were done, I was given a towel as they left into the next room and talked in hushed tones. I strained to hear them, but to no avail. When they came back I stared at them with such an expression of hopefulness they stuttered in trying to find out a way to say what they wanted.

"Allow me to say it," Lulu offered, knowing Yunie was unable to. "Rikku, it seems you are farther along than we had thought. We have pinpointed the conception week, even if we are unable to narrow it down to the day."

I refused to cry, not this time. I knew enough that Lulu would not be happy if I broke down once more in front of her. Instead, I held my chin up and replied, saying that I knew. If she was shocked, she hid it well. Someday I would learn how she did that, but not this time. I stood from the bed I had been sitting on and crossed the room to the window. I stared out over the view for a moment. "If you're waiting for me to tell you who the father is, you'll be waiting a long time." I told them sharply. "I don't want to hurt him by spreading his name around." I finished.

Yunie hummed in response, but I knew the wheels in her mind were working overtime. Lulu simply shook her head. I could tell by the sounds her ornaments made. "What will you do until the child is born, then?" Lulu questioned. She knew the answer already. She wasn't that much of a fool; I guess she wanted to hear the answer from me.

I turned to face them once more. "I guess I'll stay here. I feel like this is where I'm supposed to be anyway. It's not like I can travel around like I used to." I flopped on the bed and stared at my hands as I clasped them together in my lap.

The days ran together after that. I will admit it was nice to be surrounded by friends, but I still felt an emptiness inside that I couldn't quite explain. Not in words, anyway. Pops came to visit me at one point shortly after hearing where I had settled. He didn't seem as unhappy as the first time I met him outside of Bevelle, but he wasn't excited, either. He tried several times to find out who the father was as well, but had no more luck than anyone else. Like I said, my lips would remain sealed.

He left after two short weeks, saying he would be back when it was time for me to deliver. I watched him go with a feeling akin to sadness but not quite. I had hoped he would accept the child, but unless he was sure the father was an Al Bhed man, I knew he would never bless him. I understood his reasoning, not that it made it any easier to swallow.

While I stayed on the island, Lulu went out of her way to teach me the art of looming. I took to it quickly, and soon enjoyed watching whatever piece I was working on come to life. Besaid cloth has some of the most amazing colors you can imagine. And it's not because it's a tropical island. Well, that's only part of it. The main reason is that it has ingredients for dye that can be found nowhere else. The men of the village who can't fish spend most of the day out in the forests and cliffs of the island collecting these plants so that the women could break them down and make the dye. It was hard work, but very rewarding.

I was hard at work one day, seven months after coming to the island when I had my first spasm of pain. I was carrying a basket full of the plants when it hit. I dropped the basket to the ground and clutched at my swollen abdomen. Wakka saw me fall, and was at my side in an instant.

"Rikku! Hey, what is it? You hurt?" He was beyond panic, but I had no idea why. I learned later that he had never seen a woman as she entered labor. It was a new experience for both of us.

Tears pooled in my eyes as I whimpered and cried out for my cousin. She might not have had children of her own, but being a healer she knew what to expect. I was carried by Wakka back to my hut as Yunie was fetched. The first pain ended by the time she arrived, and I felt like I had wasted her time in making her run to me. She brushed my worries off before sending Wakka from the room in order to gather some supplies she would need. I apologized over and over saying that I must have been mistaken until another spasm hit. This one was worse than the first.

A woman returned with the requested items along with Lulu. Sweat began to bead on my forehead and Lulu dipped a rag in a bowel and dabbed at the perspiration. I wondered if it was supposed to hurt so badly, and Lulu responded with something that sounded like the more it hurts the healthier the child. I didn't believe her, but what else could I say? I was in so much pain.

This went on for about six hours or so. I wondered if it was supposed to take this long. I had never seen a birth. I was scared as a feeling of loneliness overcame me. Secretly I had always liked Auron a little more then what was probably safe for me. Maybe that was why when I got drunk that night on the Calm Lands I didn't try to stop those feelings. I found myself wishing he were here with me. He should have been able to see the birth of his child, too, right?

I gave one last scream of pain before another softer one joined my own. My son had been born. I was so happy until I heard Yunie's panicked voice say something about this not being right. After that, everything turned black.


	2. What is and what is not

Thank You to all who reviewed. A few things have changed from what I originally wrote, but the idea remained. Remember one thing, _artistic liberties._....(better now Fwe?)  


* * *

I woke up some time later to someone slapping my cheek. I was too tired to push them away, but felt them stop as I tried to open my eyes. There was a light pressure on my arm, as if an object was holding it in place. Blinking a few times, I managed to get my eyes open enough to see what it was.

There in my arms lay my son. I watched as his chest rose up and down in sleep. He had the most charming expression on his little face. His cheeks were round like my own, but were accompanied by the defined chin of his father. The skin was flawless and tanned, and on top of his head sat a patch of fuzzy brown hair. I wished for him to open his eyes so I could see what color they would be. I was curious if he would have inherited my startling green swirls, or his father's soul searching, brown orbs.

In staring so hard at my son, I had forgotten all else. Yunie stood in the room watching me. She was biting her bottom lip as if she wanted to say something, but didn't dare to. I smiled. "All right, Yunie. Spill it. What's bothering you?"

She stopped biting her lip just long enough to take a deep breath....and bit her lip again. Honestly, you'd think she'd have chewed a hole right through it with how hard she was biting. Her feet made her body sway back and forth as she shifted. I dropped my gaze to where her hands were opening and closing at her waist. There was serious problem here. I just couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was.

"Rikku." Finally! "I suppose it would be best if I just said it; but, please don't be angry." She began swaying again, and I began to feel woozy from just watching her. Now, I know Yunie tends to take her time and think her words out before she says them, but I found it harder to be patient than ever before. "It's about your baby."

I gasped and pulled him a little bit closer to myself, knowing that whatever it was couldn't be good. When she begins in that sort of way and with the tone she'd just used, Yunie was not about to give me good news. "There's nothing wrong with him, if that's what you're about to say. He's perfect." I may have said that a bit harsher than I intended, because she took a step back and drew her brows together.

"I'm sorry, Rikku. But he's not as perfect as you think. I'm a summoner; I can feel these things. He looks whole and well, but he's...he's." I could tell she was having a very hard time saying it. I waited for her to finish what she was going to say. I held my own breath, wishing for her to just come out with it. "He's incomplete." Yunie said in a rush.

My breath came out all at once as I looked down at the baby in my arms. I couldn't think about what she could possibly mean. He looked complete to me. I saw ten toes at the end of his feet, ten tiny fingers finished his hand. Five of those fingers gripped tightly to a lock of my hair as he slept. "You're wrong! You're wrong!" I found myself shouting without thinking. She had to be, just had to. I was his mother. Did Yunie think I didn't know my own child?

It was at this point Yunie used what I used to call her summoner's voice. It was the one she reserved for people who were about to hear bad news and needed a soft shoulder to lean on. "I know this isn't easy. I won't pretend it is. But, your son is incomplete. He may look whole, but he's missing a part of him that is important for all of us to survive. He's missing... his soul. He can't survive long without it, Rikku." Her gaze went to the floor at her feet before she came over to the bed and sat down next to me. One hand came out and gently rubbed my son's hair back.

I pulled him away from her. Tears ran down my cheeks before I even knew I was crying. My first thought was that it had to be my fault. I did something wrong. I didn't have a strong enough body to nourish him. I was too young for him to form correctly. But if he never had a soul, then how was he with us now? Babies without souls are born already dead, or at least that's what I had been taught. A few of my father's friends had this happen to them. The baby wasn't formed right in the womb or something, and then a sending had to be done right away. Otherwise a random soul that had not been sent would find the body and posses it turning it into a fiend. Sure it was hard to find a summoner to send Al Bhed, but there were a few out there who did it. I think they just didn't want to add another fiend to the world.

I looked down at my son. His eyes were open now and I saw that they were a mix between Auron's and my own color. They were a brown with green highlights surrounding the iris. A rare mix, but wonderfully beautiful. I relaxed and smiled down at him. It was surprising that he didn't cry even though I knew I had to have been hurting him. I was squeezing him so tightly because I was scared. A parent should never live longer than its child.

"Yunie?" I whispered. She hummed in response. "I don't want to lose him. Isn't there anything I can do?" Rivers were rolling down my cheeks now. I didn't dare stop them. My hands were too busy stroking my baby's head and holding him as closely to the warmth of my body as I could.

Yunie didn't answer for some time. Her hand ran through my hair as if she were trying to comfort me. I wanted her to tell me that all I needed to do was hope. That if I believed strongly enough, he could be saved. When she told me differently, I slapped her hand away. She gasped in shock, but I didn't care how cruel I was in that moment. The life of my son was more important to me. I felt, more than saw, as she stood from the bed and bowed before leaving me alone in the room.

I wanted to be strong. I wanted to prove to them all that my child was fine, but I knew it was a lie. Yunie was right. There was no way she would lie to me. It wasn't like her. Wakka came in shortly after, while I was still holding my son close to me. My tears had stopped by then, but even he could see I wasn't happy. Like always, Wakka tried to act cheery so that I would be, too. He meant well, but all I heard was a repeat of happy fireworks buzzing around in my head.

He must have seen that there was no way to cheer me up, so Wakka left. I was almost sorry to see him go. I really didn't want to be alone, but a man would never be able to understand completely what I was going through. What I needed was a woman next to me.

Wind whistled from the open window. I hadn't noticed it before, but the cool breeze came in and drifted over my face. I closed my eyes to the sensation only to hear someone calling my name. My eyes snapped open. I felt like there was someone in the room with me. Looking around, I saw no one. I tried to speak – to find out who was there – but my mouth refused to cooperate. I was mute for the moment. Pyerflies circled about me. I admired them until I realized what it meant. My son was fading from my arms. I tried to hold him tighter but he simply stared up at me as he dissolved into lights.

I screamed out in pain and anger, begging for more time. Begging that he be allowed to stay with me. Yunie must have heard my screams for she came running into the room to see what the commotion was. She fell to her knees next to me as the pyerflies floated in the air about us. "Rikku, you know what I must do now. You must allow me to send him so that he does not become possessed by an angry soul." Tears hung in her eyes and I knew that she was not happy about having to do this deed. Seeing that made it easier for me to nod my head.

Her eyes squeezed tightly together as she stood and began the dance. It was beautiful, as Yunie can be nothing but. And yet at the same time there was a burden that lay heavily in my chest. I felt like I was in some way to blame. As she danced, each light came down and gave a pyerflie's version of a kiss before passing on. What I thought was going to be a time of joy turned out to be no more then a time to mourn.

* * *

I lay in that bed for days, only moving to relieve myself when I needed to. I refused to eat, refused to join the villagers in any events that occurred. I stared at the wall for hours on end, each day envisioning my son's face. After Tidus managed to reach him, my Pops came back to try and take me home. I resisted the urge to even look at him for fear he would blame me for not being able to save the life of his first grandchild.

He stayed for three days before giving up and leaving me behind. It was one of the hardest things he had ever done in his life, next to saying good-bye to my mother, that is. I can look back now and see why it hurt so much, but at the time I was blind to his pain. I was so self absorbed in my own that I couldn't look much further than that.

After three weeks of acting like this, I had lost quite a bit of weight. If Yunie were anyone else, I'm sure she would have given up hope on me. But then, one night, everything changed.

* * *

My window was open again. I thought it was closed like last time, but in my state you could have told me it was floating in mid-air and I would have believed you. A gentle gust of wind entered and blew past my cheek, cooling the skin on contact. I shivered and pulled my sheet farther up my body to cover me from the chill. I thought that was the end of it until I heard a whisper of my name in the wind.

I called out, but my name was only repeated again. As I sat up in bed, I began to see something I had not been able to before. A thin tendril of blue hung lazily in the air before me, as if calling me to some far off place. I rubbed my eyes, thinking that I must be going crazy. There was no other explanation.

"_Rikku, come with me." _It was the same voice I thought I heard on the Thunder Plains telling me to come here to Besaid. I attempted to convince myself that it was only the wind and nothing more. Then that tendril wrapped itself around my body and pulled me to my feet. The gentle tug relaxed me until I found myself wanting to do as it bid.

I was barefoot and wearing only a thin linen sleeping gown. Not that it seemed to matter. The ground was cool under my feet, not like the normal warmth of the sands where I grew up. A split second thought of stopping hit me, but it was brushed aside as it seemed this wind wanted me to come quickly. Whatever I was wearing seemed to be of little importance.

I was led by the tendril to the entrance of the village temple. I stared in awe before entering. Outside, the moon shown down, illuminating the village in a soft glow. In here, there was no light entering from outside, and the torches were extinguished for the night. Yet, it seemed to be lit by an otherworldly source of illumination. I spun around quickly as the doors of the exit slammed closed with a bang. My heart beat wildly in my chest.

"Hello?" I called out. My own high pitched voice echoed back to me. I looked around searching for a way out. This was way over my head on the freaky scale. The door at the top of the stairs opened as I took my first step. "I guess I go that way?" I pointed to the door in question. The blue tendril drifted past me, and I wondered where it had gone before this. It went up the stairs and waited for me to join it before moving on.

I watched in horrid fascination as it solved the puzzles of the trials that I had thought long dead before this. Yet, it seemed as if nothing had changed since Sin's defeat. When the pedestal became an elevator to go deeper within the cloister, I knew there would be no way for me to go back alone. Even if I could find a way to open the doors by myself, I would not be able to climb the sides of these walls without outside help. I descended.

There, at the bottom, was the Chamber of the Fayth. It was open for me and my misty guide, who led me in. The petals blocking my entrance shifted as I approached. There was no Hymn. My footsteps echoed.

Inside, the chamber was like another world. The statue that was once Valefor was still stone, but the dome around her was glowing. My bottom lip trembled in fear, and I tried to step back, but my guide was behind me, pushing me forward. I fell on my hands and knees hard, my fingertips just brushing the edge of the dome.

I can't explain the feeling I received after touching it, but... it was warm. Yet, so distant at the same time. There was an urgency to it, calling me somewhere I have never been. I closed my eyes as I felt more, then heard my name spoken again. I lay down right there, feeling so complete that I could have died and been content.

When I opened my eyes again, I saw nothing but white and a woman standing in front of me. I smiled since I could feel an almost motherly love radiating from her. She stood taller then me, and it wasn't because I was still on the ground. I could just tell by looking at her. Her hair was long, straight, and very dark. It wasn't what one would call black, but it was so close it might as well have been. Her face was pale, much paler then I expected, but it in no way distracted from her beauty.

She kneeled down in front of me and took my hand to help me to my feet. This was the first time I was able to clearly see her face. She wore a smile on her painted lips, but there was a note of sadness hidden behind it. I must have wondered who she was out loud, for she answered my question.

"Who I am is of little importance. I have called you here so that you may understand." She kept a hold of my hand long after I was on my feet. Actually, I was rather happy about that. For the fact we were in an area of nothing but white, I think I may have gotten sick had she not been there with me. "Do you want to know what is, and what is not?" Her voice flowed like silk, and I was pulled deeper into whatever web she was weaving.

"I don't get it. What's going on?" Suddenly I could no longer feel my heart beating, and I brought my free hand up to cover it in a panic.

"Your body is dieing. Pay it no attention. Where you are about to travel cannot be done with a living form. I will be with you every step, so do not worry. Each step you take will bring you closer to the answers you need to discover." She pulled me closer to herself and into a gentle embrace. I would have gasped except that there was no more need for me to even breath. I was frightened, but the motherly feelings this woman sent out calmed me so much that I knew in that instant nothing bad would come to me.

She explained to me the journey I was about to begin would not be easy, and that I would be making many decisions that would affect the outcome when it was all over. I tried to listen closely, but the lids of my eyes began to feel so heavy I had trouble keeping them open.

"Sleep, young one. The first step of your journey has begun."


	3. What we have learned

Ahh, sorry for the delay. But I have a very good reason. I was feeling like crap. No lie. Being sick is no fun at all. But enough about me, here's chapter three. Enjoy!

xxxx

There are places I can remember all of my life. Some have changed; but not all for the better. Others remain, untouched and lost to the world. When I opened my eyes again, I was in one of those places. The bed under me was soft, the sheets made of the finest cotton you could imagine. I thought I was at Home once again; that everything I knew was only a figment of my imagination. On the wall across from me was a poster of a blitz player that I used to admire when I was about eight.

Sun shone into the room and on a desk where what seemed to be a younger version of myself busy drawing some sort of picture. I stared in shock wondering how we could both exist at the same time until she stood and stretched. The sun dress that the mini version of myself wore was pale yellow and her hair was up in pigtails just like mom used to do.

I wondered why I was brought here, to this time and place. When I heard my brother's voice in the hall calling my name I began to remember. She bounced from the room giggling and I was confused until I remembered what day this was. This was the day my mother died.

I gasped in shock and bolted from the bed to follow the little form of myself. I tried to shout for her to stop, not to go any farther. My hand stretched out in front of me, but it only passed through her shoulder. I whimpered in confusion.

"This was the day you first began to grow up. Your biggest fear of the time came true on this day. What would you do if you could change this moment?" My guide stood beside me and wrapped one arm so that it rested lightly on my shoulder. Time seemed to freeze around me until it was only us moving. The younger me was caught in mid step as she was about to descend down a set of stairs. I moved closer to her and waved one hand in front of her face. She didn't seem to notice. "Are you listening to me, Rikku?"

I jumped and rejoined the woman's side once more. "So what's the point of this? We all know what happens. The machina goes crazy, mom dies, and Pops orders no one to talk about her again! Is that what you want me to see?" I couldn't help yelling. It's not like anyone would hear me anyway. I thought I had pushed this day so far behind me no one would ever be able to bring it up again.

"Do you dare change it? Would you like to see your mother remain alive?" She spoke so patiently that I almost felt ashamed for yelling at her. Her head tipped to the side as she watched me debate what I truly wanted.

Sure there were lots of times I wished my mother were still alive. There were many times growing up that I could have used a woman's intuition in many of my life's events and choices. But deep down I knew that if she had been alive, I would have never learned how to fight. I would never have been able to search for treasures in Spira. Pops would have left me at home with her. I never could have become a guardian and met the wonderful friends I have now. There would have been no place for an Al Bhed to help change the world. I shook my head, "No. This has to happen. I know that now," I replied sadly. No tears fell since I had already come to terms with mom's death some time ago.

Time resumed once more and the little girl that was me ran down the stairs. My guide took us to the room where she was headed, and we arrived before she did. I looked around the scene and saw my parents standing in front of a machina. It was large, about as big as three men standing on each other's shoulders. My Pops held a square box in his hand, with his thumb pressed down on the button near the bottom. He laughed as the machina came to life, saying things like this was going to protect us from both fiends and Yevonites.

My mother stood next to him, smiling and offering silent support. It had been so long since I had seen her face that I had almost forgotten what she looked like. Had it not been for the woman with me, I might have run to her and cried tears of joy at her feet. Instead, the woman's hand held me where I was so I could watch events unfold.

The machina came to life as those in the room threw up cheers of praise to my father. My past self was one of them. She ran to Pops' side and clung to his leg and smiled up at him. As he looked down everything changed. The cheers that went up before turned into gasps of horror. He glanced up in time to see the machina coming right for him. Not yet fazed, he pushed the button on the box in his hand and waited for it to shut down. Instead, the box fizzed and sent out sparks, forcing him to throw it to the ground.

With no way to control it now, the machina came right at him and the little girl that was me. My mother dodged in front of us and pushed the two of us to the floor. Back in my youth, all I knew was the machina had gone crazy. I wasn't told any more than that. Suddenly my mom became a hero. By sacrificing herself, she had saved the life of her husband and her daughter.

I watched from where I was as silent screams filled the room. My ears went deaf, but I knew that she was being crushed by the monstrosity. Red rivers flowed freely from the metal parts, and I shuddered. I hadn't seen this because my father's hand had covered my eyes, but I remembered what it sounded like. I didn't need to hear it now.

The scene faded, and I was once again surrounded by white. The only color in this place was myself. It seemed even my guide had left me alone. I sat on my rump, just letting my body float on the nothingness that was around me. Pulling my knees up to my chest, my mind wandered to the last thing I had seen. I understood I was supposed to make a choice, but what I didn't get was why.

"_The past can hurt. You either learn from it, or run from it. That is up to you." _

My head shot up as I recognized that voice. It was the woman in blue who had shown me the past. Clenching my fists, I shot to my feet. "I don't get it! Didn't I pass the test? Didn't I answer correctly?" I shouted into the space, spinning as I did. Her voice seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at once. It must have been one of those things Fayth can do, because they're all-powerful or something. I had thought I learned from the past already. It confused me to no end why she would tell me this all again.

"You only grew from this experience. There was nothing you have learned. We will move on so that you may learn."As I sat back in place, the scenery around me began to change again. It was distorted before coming into focus. Instead of white nothingness, I was sitting upon a sandy shore. The oasis was so close to me I could almost spread my legs out and allow the waters to cool my toes.

In front of me were three kids playing in the surf as they dug around the shoreline looking for treasures. A little girl, older then the last one, held a bright red bucket tightly in her hand. Her eyes shone with delight as she tried to show off what she had collected so far. The two boys that were with her smiled but brushed off whatever it was she was trying to get them to see.

However, the young girl was not daunted in the least. She simply bent back over and began using her free hand to dig in the sand once more. Once in a while moving deeper into the surf as she searched. She was so engrossed in what she was doing that she failed to see the blue elemental fiend closing in behind her. It was at this point the scene froze.

I stood from my place and looked around, trying to figure out what had happened. My guide appeared next to me, wearing a slight frown. I tapped my cheek trying to figure out what I was missing. She said nothing, so I looked to where her eyes were facing. She was staring at my brother as he wore an expression of terror. I understood his fear, but why was she frowning? I thought about it before a light sphere went off in my head.

"As much as I would love to change this moment, for some reason I don't think it would be right. I almost died that day. Pops even said so. Our healers lost my heart beat for a few seconds," I explained to her. Her frown faded somewhat. I waited to see what she would say next. It felt like a long time before she spoke.

"If there was no right or wrong, would you change this moment? Would you desire to see what might happen?" Her face was forward, but I could just see how from the corner of her dark eyes she was looking down at me. She was testing me; testing if I would be weak willed enough to fall into her trap.

I crossed my arms over my chest as I repeated my previous statement. Did she honestly think I would fall for it? I am my father's child. I am more stubborn than that. The scene in front of us continued, yet there was a difference than the one before. The view was off as if....as if I were inside the body of my younger self! I tried to open my mouth and scream. This wasn't what I was expecting!

Sure enough white, hot searing pain ran through my body. I gasped for air, I cried out, begging for release from the pain. It hurt so much, how did I live through this the first time and at such a young age? The pain soon faded, and I was once again my real self and rubbing at the bits of my body that hurt the most; mainly my arms, legs, and head.

"What's the big idea?" I shouted to the woman. "Was that to force me to change my mind or something?" You know, for someone who was supposed to be looking out for me, that wasn't very nice. I had thought she was going to make sure nothing happened to me in this place. Then again.... Now that I thought about it, she did tell me at first my body died, right? That wasn't exactly what you do to people either. I pulled myself to my feet, ignoring the protesting limbs as I did so. I was going to tell this woman off once and for all. I had just lifted my hand and pointed at her when she spoke.

"You are strong. Stronger than you know. You have gone through the pain of not one but two past experiences and still you accept what has gone before. You understand that things happen because they are meant to. Our past is what shapes us for the present." A tiny smile spread over her lips before she turned and faced me. One hand then reached out and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear in a most motherly fashion. "There is still more to watch. Are you ready to see?"

I mutely nodded my head, unable to do much more than that. The scene rewound and played again from the moment the fiend came up. I watched as my idiot brother, who at the time was just starting to learn basic black magic, raised one hand up. The other person with us, his buddy, shouted out to stop, but it was too late. The magic missed its target and hit the young form of me. I winced as a chill ran down my spine in memory. The elemental spun around as it came closer to my prostrate body. It was charging for its own attack since I was basically comatose. Brother lifted his hand, attempting to cast the same spell again, only hitting his mark this time.

I gasped as I watched. In his desire to protect me, my brother had not casted a basic level spell, but the strongest one available. He casted Thundaga! Now, I know for a fact that he never learned that spell. Not then, and not now. In fact after this, he swore never to learn magic, and indeed he hasn't. He and Buddy rushed over and picked my unconscious body from the surf and ran over the sand so fast it was almost as if they were flying. My guide transported me to their destination as well. It seemed this story was far from over.

When we arrived, my brother was being scolded fiercely by Pops. Veins were popping out all over his head as he cradled my limp body. It took three people to pull me from his grasp. He would have followed, but he was locked out of the room while they worked. Brother kept his head down as his not-yet-mohawked hair hid his face from my view.

Pops continued to scream and shout before a single droplet fell at my brother's feet. It splattered to the floor and was lost to the heat of the day. But I knew what it was. My brother was crying. He was crying for hurting me; for not being able to protect me. He was worried that he would lose his only sibling. I found a new respect for him in that moment. Now, don't get me wrong. Most of the time he really, honestly is stupid. But he cares. I made a mental note to thank him when I saw him again. If I saw him again that is.

xxxx

It was back to white, meaning that the story was complete. I wondered if I learned the lesson she was trying to teach me. In all honesty, I didn't know what the point of all this was to begin with. If we can't change the past, what was the point of reliving it again? Or was there something else I was missing? I bit my lip as I thought about all this. The woman showed me two things so far. Both of them were events that changed my life in numerous ways. So, if that was the case, what would come next? What about the time Yevonites destroyed our home, forcing us to rebuild elsewhere? That was when Pops became known as the leader he is now. But that was more about him than me.

Digging deeper within myself, I think I found the next event. It was finding Tidus. Like I said before, this story isn't about him, he has his own to tell. But that doesn't mean he isn't included. I first met him in the ancient temple of Baaj. As my thoughts gathered together, the scene around me began to warp and change. For once, I was controlling what happened.

I remembered blasting down a huge door when we heard sounds of battle coming from the other side. I stepped in and struck a pose as I surveyed where we were. Seeing a kid fighting Klikk, I knew I had to intervene. He wasn't doing half bad, but he wasn't doing great either. I had come across the fiend several times as we explored, but we just chased it away, seeing as it wasn't worth the trouble of fighting at the time.

Together we finished Klikk off, but the others with me began accusing him of being a fiend. I shook my head at how foolish they were. Didn't they know fiends don't go against one another? That's why you can find different breeds fighting along side one another during the same battle. They all only have one goal in mind: Kill all those who live. I stopped them because I could feel there was something otherworldly about this boy. He wasn't a fiend, but he wasn't from Spira either. Seeing no other way, I promptly knocked him out.

"Why did you take him with you? Did you have an ulterior motive for doing so?" My guide finally made herself known. I chuckled lightly at her questioning. It almost sounded like she didn't understand what I did, but I knew she must have. Otherwise, I would not have been there. A pale, blue tendril of smoke circled around me before her form took shape. She took my hand and walked me down a dark tunnel that ended on the salvage ship that I had been staying on at the time. Outside Tidus was on the ground, groaning about being hungry. I giggled again at him. He was so pathetic at the time, but I felt drawn to him somehow.

"That is because he was a dream of the Fayth made real. Just as in life humans are drawn to the Fayth, so are they drawn to the dreams." Okay, did I say my thoughts out loud? I was pretty sure I didn't! "In this place thoughts become reality. Reality becomes thoughts. Pyerflies react to all." Oh, well that explained everything, didn't it? I pouted, making note not to allow my thought to escape so easily next time.

I turned my attention to what was happening now. Tidus was in the middle of telling me about where he came from, who he was, and how he got here. I listened intently, but back then, just like now, my heart skipped a beat at the mention of Auron's name. He was legendary! But it was thought he had died after Uncle Braska brought the Calm. Here Tidus was telling me that he was raised by the same guy! I didn't understand how it could be then, but I do now. I only knew it was the same guy because of the way he described him.

The Auron Spira knew and the one Tidus knew were so alike there was no doubt in my mind. And, yes, even we Al Bhed held a certain respect for the man. We may not have agreed with the way they did things, but that didn't mean we were not thankful for what they had done. When Pops heard about his brother-in-law going off to fight Sin to avenge his wife, Cid had a whole new outlook on him. For years he hated my Uncle because he had married my aunt. But his sacrifice was what made my Pops want to save all summoners. He didn't want anyone else to lose those they loved dearly. Sure, he agreed Sin had to be taken care of. We just differed in our way of going about it.

As I spent time thinking about Sin, he appeared in the memory. Tidus was washed overboard and taken away. I spent hours searching the dark depths trying to find the one non-Al Bhed that had talked to me like an actual human and not vermin. I cried myself to sleep that night, my brother sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing my back. I slowly began to comprehend more and more. Everything I went through molded and shaped me into whom I am today, but I had a feeling there was still more yet to be seen. As I said in the beginning – what we do in life echoes through eternity.


	4. When do we learn?

They say time is like a fire. Once it's burnt, it's gone. My time was much like that. I tried to keep the flame down, but time isn't something you can just reach out and grab. You get one chance to do it right. If you don't, you can't do it again. Perhaps that was part of the lessons I was supposed to be learning. Even though I was given the option to redo each event, I knew deep down that it was not possible. What I did in this place affected everything else.

* * *

I had taken a chance to get away and think by myself. My guide was nowhere to be seen, but I knew she was close by, watching me. My thoughts were a tangled web of memories and actions; of dreams and desires. Why was I chosen for this? What was going to come next? I was given the luxury of being able to sit under a tree next to a shallow stream. Colorful wildflowers and pyerflies surrounded me, making it serene. What stopped me from being able to completely enjoy the beauty was the fact that I knew this was still the Farplane.

A light blue dress entered my vision as my guide stood in front of me. "I have brought you lunch. You must be hungry."

I scoffed. Did I really need to eat? I was dead, wasn't I?

"You may be dead for now, but in order for your mind to continue to work as it should, it must be nourished. You have been through much. Allow me to take care of you." I looked into her eyes to see an almost pleading expression. She was acting like I expected my own mother to act. I lowered my face in shame. I had been so cruel to her when she was simply doing what was best for me. Eventually I gave a small nod of my head to let her know that I wanted her to join me. She sat down and pulled her legs beneath her, yet she was still able to keep her back upright without a curve to it. I wondered if maybe she had been brought up as a noble. Perhaps she was so composed because she was taught to be so since she was little. Quite the opposite of me.

I took tiny bites of my food as we ate lunch together. I couldn't help but stare at her as we did so. There was something about her that I felt I knew, a deep hidden secret just clawing to be free. If she noticed my staring, she said nothing. As I took my last bite, I finally figured it out. I screamed out that she was a fayth, and not just any of them. For the others (except for Bahamut) were rather impersonal. They gave vague clues and riddles for us to figure out. But not her. Not _Anima._

It was a good thing I had already eaten, because I don't think I could have taken another bite after the revelation. I'm surprised it stayed in my stomach. I stood from my place and began pacing back and forth, all the while mumbling to myself. It's not that I minded a fayth helping me discover things I didn't know, but when you have Seymour Guado's mother helping... He was our enemy! I would glance over every few laps to see Anima watching me with her gentle eyes. She never said a word, just allowing me to go on until I had tired myself out.

When I had stopped pacing, she looked up at me and asked if I were finished. Taking a deep breath, I told her no before screaming as loudly and as long as my non-breathing lungs would let me. There, now I was done. But really, of all people. Why did it have to be Anima?

She tilted her head to the side and clasped her hands together as she waited for me. I took a deep breath before collapsing next to her. She pulled me into a comforting embrace as she stroked my blond hair back. I closed my eyes, somehow feeling calm. I was with the Aeon that caused 'Pain', yet I wasn't worried. All fears dissolved as I sat there.

"We must move on now. There is still much we must do before the end." Anima parted from me before reaching out her hand and helping me to my feet. She told me to close my eyes so that she could prepare the next step. I obediently obeyed. When she told me she was ready and I opened my eyes once more, I was standing on the cliffs of the Djose inlet. Had my heart been beating, I don't think it would have done so for long. I was standing on the edge, watching Operation Mi'ihen as it unfolded before me.

"No! Not this! Not here!" Losing my mom had been hard enough, but this was just as painful. I lost more than one family member. The Al Bhed were reduced to almost nothing after Sin's attack. I was there to watch as so many people, Al Bhed, Guado, and crusaders alike, were crushed and torn apart, left to rot under the Spiran sky until a summoner could dance a sending.

I wanted to change this – change it so that they didn't have to die! I fell to my knees, but the tears wouldn't come. The anguish of this was more than I could bare. Anima stood behind me, waiting for my decision. She wanted me to tell her it was better this way, but it wasn't! "Make it stop. I can't stand it! I can't stand to see them die again!" I wanted out, wanted to go home again. I have seen enough on this journey to be satisfied with just the lessons I had learned.

Anima kneeled next to me and whispered words into my ear. _"Never give up most, for what you want at the moment."_ She lifted one pale hand and pointed ahead of me to a place I had not seen before. There, standing on a cliff edge were my friends. Yunie and the others were fighting off a sinspawn and far in the distance of the inlet was the shadow of Sin's figure. I focused on Sin, first wondering what it was she wanted me to see. All I saw was death, death, and more death. Gently she grabbed hold on my chin and turned my face so that I wasn't looking at Sin, but at the faces of my friends.

They all appeared so determined, like they expected to be able to win without anyone having to die. Yunie was ready to give up her life for the people, but she was also willing to live as well. I could see that now. She didn't really want to die, but if it meant so many others would live she was willing to do it. It was just one more thing that made her better than me. I valued life above everything else, and I was so childish and selfish that I valued mine so much that I didn't even offer it when the chance came.

I didn't want to be here any longer, and I told Anima as much. But she insisted. I stomped at the ground angrily, but it only showed how immature I was, instead. Her long arm pointed out one figure in particular. I followed the imaginary line it made until my gaze rested on Auron. He was on one side of Seymour while Yunie took the other. I could tell he hated the man, but still protected him because that was what his summoner wanted. In that instant, my feelings for him grew just a little bit more. He wasn't participating in this fight because he wanted to. He was doing it because it was required of him.

How many times have I complained about things I didn't want to do so that I could get out of them? There were too many to count. I hated midnight guard duty. I hated having to travel all day because it was the only way to reach Zanarkand. Fighting cactuars and elements wasn't fun either. I complained about that almost every day. Why the others kept me around was beyond me. Auron's word must have held a much higher esteem than I thought. After he allowed me to join the group, I was so sure they would want to be rid of me after the incident in Macalania. But it was Auron again that saved me from getting deeper in my fight with Wakka. Sure Lulu had told me I did nothing wrong, but that wasn't until Wakka had walked away.

Back to the scene at hand, I continued to stare until Sin gathered energy and decimated those who stood in the water or near the shore. One of our bigger machina attacked him and drew his attention. Auron had his back turned to it, much like he normally did. I expected him to have an impassive face, but as Anima moved us in closer, I could see the hurt etched in the skin. He hid it well from the others, but since he did not know I was there, I could read it all.

It just didn't look right. A man like him should never have to hurt. After all he had gone through you would think he had seen enough. Maybe once in his life he should have been able to get what he wanted, not what we expected of him! Anima pulled me away then so I was unable to watch anymore.

* * *

I've always known bad luck and trouble were my closest friends. It's amazing at how right I truly was. How many other Al Bhed do you know who join summoner pilgrimages? I can tell you – none. That was where my trouble began. When Auron came over to me and told me to look at him, well what could I say? I'm a girl, and a hormonal one at that.

When I was a kid, there was this show on the spheres. It was a documentary about summoner groups. Pops never knew I watched, and I was careful never to get caught. Well, my favorite one was always the one about my uncle. They showed Auron as well, and I couldn't help but to develop a type of fangirl's crush on him. This was part of the reason he was so well known. When I saw him in person for the first time, all those feelings I had put aside resurfaced. He was older now by far, but there are some things little girls just don't out grow.

Trouble followed me everywhere I went after that. We went to Guadosalam next, home of the Farplane. Now, there are many reasons why people may think I stayed away that time. All of them are wrong. While I may seem immature, I was not dumb. The last thing I needed was to go in and think of my family. That would give my supposed to be secret heritage away faster than a desert melts ice, as my Pops would say. I stayed on the steps outside...with Auron. I tried to converse with him, but he only brushed me off with a warning about pushing my luck.

Well, after that, what could I do? If all I had was bad luck, why would I want to bring it on myself? A loud boom sounded nearby, and I jumped. Without my even noticing, Anima had brought me to the Thunder Plains. I jumped before holding one hand over my heart. It almost freaked me out when I felt nothing until I remembered. "So what are we doing here?" I questioned.

"Another lesson was taught here. Do you remember it?"

I thought long and hard as the group from the past traveled over the plains. I was at the back of the group, ignoring all but the sounds of thunder as it crashed. The fights did little for me at the time but to ease the tightening that I was putting my body through. After almost losing my sanity and the respect I was trying so hard to earn, we rested at one of Rin's agencies. I got little sleep that night, but at least I wasn't alone. While the others all went to bed, I squatted in the main room crying out when the thunder sounded. Auron stood on the far side, watching me all night. The others must have thought he went to bed, but I saw otherwise. He acted like I bothered him, but I wonder if he didn't have other reasons for doing it. I can admit it now but not then: it was almost comforting having him there with me. He may have been mean to me that night and into the next day, but when you have someone to share fears with, it makes them much easier to bare.

When we left the next morning, I put on a brave face in an attempt to show him that I really did have what it took to be a guardian. I wasn't about to let him kick me out so soon. I was determined to prove my worth.

I understood. "I get it now. You wanted me to see that fears can only control us if we let them!" I grinned as I hopped from foot to foot in a crazy, excited type of dance.

Anima smiled at me and nodded her head. "That is right. But this is only the first step. There is one other, an even greater fear. Do you know what that is?" The scene around us changed to the bridge of Pop's airship. I knew it was a clue to the answer she wanted, but I didn't know what it could be just yet. Anima snapped her fingers and a conversation I had forgotten about began to play out once more for me.

"_What's Seymour doing alive? Didn't we take care of him back in Macalania?"_

"_He is dead. As dead as Jyscal was. His attachment to this world must have kept him from the next."_

"_Whoa, scary!"_

So that was what she was trying to show me. I suppose that once I understood Auron more, my fear of the unsent began to fade. Why else would I have gone to him, right?

I found out his secret about the same time Tidus did. The way he was able to manipulate the pyerflies, how he knew more about the unsent then he should have, riding Sin... All this was just the tip, yet deep down he was always Auron. Now matter what, he could not change who he truly was.

Now I could say I was intoxicated when I went to him, but it was more than that. I had been drunk before. Once, when Brother and I found a bottle, we took it and hid off in one of Rin's storage closets and shared it. It tasted terrible, but we drank it anyway just because we thought we could. I felt so sick the next day, but I never did anything like I had while we camped out in the Calm Lands after fighting Yunalesca. I went to Auron because I wanted to.

"So now that you understand your past, it's time for you to understand your present." With a wave of her hand, she took us back to the land of nothing. "Are you ready to begin? First, you must concentrate on what you want."

I stared at her in confusion. What did I want? What if what I wanted wasn't possible to have? What if...? Anima came closer until she stood behind me. She placed one hand on my shoulder again, like she had done so many times before, and whispered in my ear. I guess she could see the struggles I was fighting, for she gave me only one piece of advice. She warned me that no matter what I do, I would never be able to run from myself. If I wasn't confused, I certainly was now.

My vision began to swim and no matter how hard I tried to focus, it was useless. I cried out, pleading for help. I could hear Anima's soothing voice, but was unable to actually comprehend a word of it. I ended up just letting my body relax as a feeling of free falling took over. I found that if I fought it, the fall was much rougher. I was going headfirst, I knew that from the feeling of wind whipping past exposed skin. Just when I began to think I could take no more suspense, I heard the most wonderful voice.

"_Open your eyes."_


	5. Searching for forgiveness

You're probably wondering if I listened or not. In this place, after all that I had seen, I think I learned to do what I was told now. Besides, when _that voice_ tells you to open your eyes, you don't play games.

* * *

I found myself standing under the warm sun of the Calm Lands. There were a few small changes, like added trees and a stream, but it was certainly the same place. The grass was green under my feet, chocobos could be heard off in the distance as if they were being trained. If I tried hard enough, I could just make out the outline of the top of the Gagazet mountain range. The clouds over my head were light and wispy as they raced across the blue sky. I smiled a true smile for the first time. It almost felt like home to me.

Then I saw a figure. It stood facing the opposite way, but I knew who it was. That red coat is very discernible. My thoughts revolved around the idea that maybe he wasn't real. Every other time I saw him during this journey, he was just a figment of my memory. I expected no less from this encounter; that is until he turned around and looked at me. His single eye spoke more than any word he could have said. In an instant, I was on the ground, sobbing my heart out.

Life moves quickly. If you don't take the time to stop and look around once in a while you could miss it. I forced myself to stop crying, but Auron had not come any closer to me. My eyes couldn't tear themselves away. He tried to glare at me, but I knew better. He wasn't as harsh as he liked to make people believe.

In an attempt to say his name, I opened my mouth but no words escaped. His head cocked to the side as if wondering what I was even doing there. I can't say I blamed him. It's not every day you see a kid like me wandering the Farplane. And compared to him, I really was a kid. It almost made me ashamed of what we had done together. But that wasn't his fault. It was mine.

I glanced around, searching for Anima, but she was nowhere to be found. I turned my attention back to the man in front of me. Standing, I attempted a quick hello, but I got nothing in response. Tears began to prick at my lids again, and I knew exactly why. "Auron, I'm sorry!" I shouted to him in a rush of air.

A single brow rose at my exclamation. If he was waiting for me to go on, then I guess I had no choice. I tried to speak again, but he held a single hand up, palm out. "Don't bother," he said. I gasped before I closed my eyes, feeling rejected. "You have done nothing wrong."

Now, this was a change of pace. I brought one hand up and nibbled on my knuckle, deep in thought and perhaps just a little fear. "But Auron, it's all my fault. If I hadn't..."

He cut me off once again, "No."

I scoffed, "Auron, I know what I did was wrong. I know it should never have happened, but it did. I have learned one thing here. And it's that I can't change what has already happened. All I can do is move on and learn from it!" I didn't notice, but the more I spoke, the bolder I became, until I shouted the last part in his face. I blinked a few times. When had he gotten so close? He must have walked over to me as I ranted. I looked up until all I could see was the bottom of his chin. He had removed his collar at some point, giving me a full view.

He was so close it was almost an invasion of my personal space. This was unlike him. Auron never allowed anyone to get close to him. Yet, it was perfectly all right to get close to others? I shoved him away as hard as I could, but he didn't budge at all. I growled before turning around and crossing my arms over my chest. "Fine, what do you want? You and I both know you can't stand me."

I heard one of his tiny laughs before he answered me. "Do we now?"

I rolled my eyes and walked away. I'd spent too much time longing after him in the past. I guess the feeling was fading now. And after a reception like that, why shouldn't it be? I didn't know what Anima was trying to pull, but I wasn't buying it. I had seen all I needed to see. It was time for me to go home. The only problem was I didn't know how to do that. I examined every bit of the area around me, but saw nothing. I began to panic. Was I going to be stuck here with Auron forever?

I don't know what he did, but I ran in circles trying to find an exit of any sort. Sure, the place was nice, but I didn't want to spend the rest of my afterlife in it. My hands groped for whatever they could reach, thinking that there must have been a secret that I was missing somehow. The bottom branches of the trees were left bare, the flowers trampled as I searched. It wasn't until I was bound in place before I stopped running. My panic rose even higher when I found myself unable to move. My arms were pinned to my sides, and my feet were left to hang in mid-air. There was definitely something behind me, so I used my heels and tried to jam them into the object and push myself free.

A growl in my ear made me stop. I knew that sound. It seemed that somehow Auron had managed to grab me as I fled. I whimpered softly. He slowly let me go. It was almost painfully slow, like he knew I wasn't happy and was trying to draw it out. Just when he was at his loosest hold, I broke free myself. Being that close to him was driving me insane.

"Calmer now?" he questioned in the deep voice that drove me crazy back when we were traveling together. After Sin, I had wanted to hear it again so badly, I used to play the spheres that we found over and over until they broke. It was always in secret and no one was around when I did it. Not an easy task when you travel from place to place or have friends checking in on you up to three times a day.

I dropped to the ground and pouted. "What is this place?" I finally asked after some time had passed. The branches I had stripped, and the flowers I ruined were back as they were when I first arrived. It was like I was never there. The moon hung in the sky, giving a faint light, but it wasn't even needed. The flowers and pyerflies gave enough light to see by.

Auron stood next to me as we stared out over the landscape together. I thought he wasn't going to answer me, but just when I opened my mouth to ask again, he replied. "The Calm Lands. It's my personal purgatory. I have much I need to atone for."

"Wait! Purgatory? Where are we, anyway?" I was taught that when you died and were sent, the Farplane was nothing more than a place of rest. It was what kept so many Al Bhed from becoming fiends. It was our deepest... hope.

I lowered my head. It was just another lie I had fallen victim to. When would Spira start telling the truth? How much more did I not know? _Welcome to my life. You don't know what it's like to be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark, to be kicked when you're down, to feel like you've been pushed around, to be on the verge of breaking down and no one is there to save you… _That was the opening line of a soap opera I used to see advertised on the spheres. It also just about fit what I felt like.

He must have seen the despair on my face, because Auron then sat down next to me. He pulled one knee up and rested his left arm on the top. He stared out over the expanse as he spoke. "There are many parts of the Farplane the living are not aware of. Your people most of all should know that. How many summoners did you have? And yet there are few Al Bhed who do not make it here."

"Make it here? You say that like it's a goal, not the end! This is it! This is the end. When people forget about you, you don't exist! How can the living summon someone they don't even know? Huh? Huh? Tell me that!" I pounded my fists on the ground at my sides as I shouted. I didn't want to think anymore. I didn't want to be in this situation, but I had no other option. Tears threatened to fall again, but I blinked them back before they could form.

I heard him sigh from beside me. I could envision him shaking his head from side to side as he did so. I always was the one to put him on the spot. My immaturity and questioning nature wouldn't let me do anything else. I almost felt sorry for his having to put up with me both in life and again here in death. He probably was only putting up with me as part of his 'penitence.'

"Rikku, tell me why you're here." It was a simple command. Nothing new from the great Sir Stoic. When I refused to answer, he held his free hand out, the other still being tucked into his jacket. I watched his palm, waiting for whatever he wanted me to see. There was nothing at first, but then I saw it. A single pyerflie flew away from his gloved hand. It rose into the air and floated around his arm before coming over to me.

I reached my hand out to it in an attempt to touch it. The tail was alive with color, and it floated so freely, as if it belonged nowhere. As it came closer to me I felt warmth like I had never felt before. There was acceptance, courage, honor, and... I had almost taken hold of the light, but it bolted away from my contact. I gasped in surprise. That was highly unusual.

"You are not dead. The pyerflies reject you," he explained to me as the single pyerflie entered his hand

He turned his face so that he was looking at me. The single eye of doom was intimidating, but I stood my ground.

"I am dead," I countered swiftly. "Do you see me breathe? Can you feel my heart beat in my chest?" I reached out and grabbed his hand to hold it over my left breast. He stared at me in his version of confusion before I removed his hand and ripped his glove off. I then placed it back to where it was before. His confusion turned to one of pain, not for himself but for me. I knew him well enough to know when he was thinking of someone else.

He removed his hand slowly and placed it back to the top of his knee. I waited for him to speak, but he instead remained silent. Two could play that game. I might still be young compared to him, but life had taught me many things. I knew when to stay silent. This was one of those times. It was a matter of wills.

People think of me as being a loudmouth, and they are probably right. But I am first and foremost a thief. Thieves must stay quiet as they sneak up on their prey. You can't run up to a fiend screaming and shouting at the top of your lungs. They will know what you are planning and turn on you faster than you can say, 'Bikanel'... Well, bad example, but you get the point. Fiends don't like it when you shove your hands under their scales or armor or whatever they're made of. It's like an invitation for attack. I ended up with many wounds when I first began training. I'm just glad Pops taught me on sandwolves and alcyone, and not sandworms or zus. They eat you whole if you're not careful. But I guess you already knew that.

As we sat there, I continued to peek glances to my right where Auron was sitting. His eye was closed, sunglasses removed. He was trying to teach me something, but I had no idea what it was. He was talking to me without words. If that was his plan, well then I would have to have my own.

I fell backwards to stare at the sky, spreading my arms over my head. Perhaps being here wasn't so bad after all. It was peaceful, if a little boring. I would just have to create enough excitement for the both of us. I was hyper enough, right?

I opened my mouth to say something, but... who was I kidding? My heart was broken. I lost not one, but many special people in my life. I accepted the death of my mother, and of my cousin Keyakku. But Auron and my son were not so easy.

There were some sounds of shuffling from beside me. I opened one eye to see what he was doing. Auron had gotten to his feet and was now walking away. I sat upright and watched him move. My fascination with him never left me. It was still there as I wondered what he was doing now. It dumbstruck me as he pulled Masamune from some hidden void I was unable to see. He held it on his shoulder much like he had when we were together to battle Sin. He was facing away from me so all I could see was his back, but I knew his face was set in determination. He was waiting for something to happen.

I moved so that I was sitting on my knees and just watched. Auron stood proud and on guard. From the distance I could hear the rumble of footsteps approach. It was little at first until the ground under me began to vibrate. Auron lowered his stance a bit, just a bending of the knees before making his first strike. It finally hit me what was going on. It hit me what his purgatory was. He had to battle demons while he was here.

I leaped to my feet in an effort to help him. Running to join him at his side, I was taken aback when I hit an invisible wall. There was no pain, but I was separated from helping by the shield. Even my magic was ineffective. I had to stand there and watch as he was assaulted by wave after wave of monsters that refused to allow him a chance to recover between battles. I pounded with my fists until they turned purple and then red from my blood. Streaks were left behind as my hands beat the shield. Looking back now, I can't imagine what Auron must have thought when he finished his battle and turned to me. I was on the ground in a heaping mess of tears, my blood hanging in the air like a poor image of my struggles.

Compassion must have hit him, because he had to have been very tired yet tended to me first. "I found Braska much like this, too," he explained after he helped me to a tree.

As my body recovered, I took a chance and glanced over to where the wall was. It was gone now; gone like it was never even there to begin with. I hated to do it. I didn't want to see the pain he must have been in, but I looked up at Auron's face as he hovered above me. His coat was torn in many places, a huge tear in his armor over his chest, and many, many scratches along his face and neck. He gave me a weak smile. "Does it hurt?" I asked as I reached out to touch the largest that I could see.

"Only for a moment. It is a passing pain."

A passing pain. Now I knew I could never tell him about his son, the one I killed by whatever I must have done wrong. I could never do that to him. Sure I was angry when I first saw him, but now I held nothing but sympathy for him. If I told him about his son, it would not be a passing pain. It would linger on for eternity.

I stayed there with him for many days. I counted it by how many times he stood and battled. He told me how they came at the same time each day, ready to tear him apart, and several times how they seceded. I was stuck behind the invisible wall unable to help in any way besides to offer support after he was done. After a while, I began to notice something odd. After each fight, Auron was more worn out and hurt than the time before. He said nothing about whatever pain he might have been in. And I pretended like I didn't notice, but we both knew the truth. He hurt, and I saw it. But he still fought on.

Healing came by his meditation. He sat in one place as he gathered free-floating pyerflies into his body to repair the damage caused by the monsters. The first time I saw him do it, I sat and watched in morbid fascination. As each light was pulled into his body, I could see the wounds getting smaller before closing up completely.

When he came back to me on the tenth day, I knew I had to speak up. His left arm hung limply at his side. He hissed when I tried to touch it, and turned away from me.

I gained the courage to ask the question that had been bothering me since the first time, "Auron, why do they keep coming?"

"They are..." he began, and I tilted my head so that I could look into his eye as he spoke to me. It was closed. "My demons," he finished saying just above a whisper. "They will come until I am forgiven."

His eye opened back up and I caught it before he could turn away again. I reached out and, using both my hands, took hold of his face so that I could speak to him directly. "What could you possible have done that needs to be forgiven? You're Auron! Everything you did was for everyone's good!"

His eye danced over my face, searching deep within my soul. I would have looked away, but I was the one who began this and was not going to be the one to back down now. "Even you?" He asked.

My blood ran cold at those words. He could only mean one thing.


	6. A Sacrifice is made

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. If you twist it into something it was never meant to be, it can make you a doormat or an insufferable manipulator. Forgiving seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do. But forgiving is love's power to break nature's rule. What a hard lesson I learned that day. I was so in shock after Auron's confession that I was unable to say a word for a long time. I guess I always did love him. That was why I never blamed him and took it all on myself. Yet he blamed himself for whatever he had done. Auron believed he had hurt me, but he never did. I may have been confused about what happened between us, but I never regretted it. Not once.

* * *

I stayed there with him for several more days, always wanting to tell him my dark secret, but was never able to. He must have seen right through me, although he said nothing about it. I soon began to remember what it was I liked about him. He liked to pretend he was such a serious person, but get him alone and you could see the caring side of him begin to emerge. How else would he have been able to care for Tidus for ten years?

I watched him fight his demons every day. I was over my fear of his being hurt. He came back beaten, but the fact remains that _he came back. _I sat with him, begging him to tell me stories about what it was like to live in a place like Zanarkand. It was every Al Bhed's dream to see a place like that just once. I was no exception. He patiently told me what I wanted to hear as I sat beside him and listened. I grew bolder as the days went on, sitting closer and closer each time.

I was leaning on his arm, contently listening when he abruptly stopped speaking. I lifted my head to look at him as if to ask what was wrong. He stared at me for a long time before asking why I was there. He was not going to let the answer go like he had the first time he asked. I almost jumped up screaming until I saw how much it hurt him having to ask it. I scratched my cheek, debating if I really should tell him or not.

He waited for me to answer. I wrung my hands together in my lap wondering how it was I could tell him. I figured that maybe it would be best to just come right out and say it, "Auron, y- I have a son." He didn't seem fazed by this at all, so I went on. "Yunie told me he was born incomplete. I know it was my fault, I should have done more to save him!"

I felt as Auron reached over and pulled me close to himself so that I could hide my tears in his thick coat. He was whispering things, telling me it would be okay, and that it wasn't anyone's fault. I wanted to believe him so badly it hurt. My fists pounded his chest, but I don't think he thought much of it. I probably felt like little more than a fly buzzing around his head. It was more of an annoyance than actual pain.

When my tears stopped, I pulled away and used the back of my hand to try to dry my eyes. I whispered a "sorry" for ruining his coat, but he waved his hand in the air as if to say it was nothing. I began to tell him more about my son that I allowed to die, but he prevented me by saying two small simple words: "I know."

Anything else I might have said died in my throat. I never suspected that he could have known. I should have. He knew everything. I settled for a nod of my head. What else could I do? I was at a loss for words. In that moment all I felt were shame and regret. "I never gave him a name, you know."

"I know." He wasn't looking at me, but to somewhere far off in the distance where I could not see. The feeling of being content and happy faded quickly. Instead, it was replaced by uncertainty and doubt.

"Are you angry?" I asked without facing him. I expected him to be. I know I was. I could have saved us a lot of trouble if I had just come out with it to begin with. What I didn't expect were the arms that wrapped around me in another comforting embrace.

Out of sheer surprise, I gasped. This was not the Auron I knew. His chin rested on the top of my head and I could feel his voice in his chest as he spoke. "You have done nothing for me to be angry about. That is why you should not be seeking my forgiveness, but I yours." I looked up at him in surprise. "That night you came to me, I should have pushed you away, but I obeyed my body instead of my head. I then tried to ignore you only to find out later that I should never have done so. I left you and your son without a father."

"Auron, you were dead. You were never meant to stay! How could I have demanded you give up your – your _eternal rest_ for me?" I wanted to break free from his hold, but being there, being in his arms, made me feel so complete. I didn't want this moment to end, even though I knew it could not go on forever.

He whispered an apology as we stood there staring at nothing. I closed my eyes, trying to pull as much in as I could so that I would never forget this moment. A cool breeze against my cheek shifted my attention away. There, only meters in front of me, was a blue tendril of mist hovering in the air. I reacted violently. My time was up. I shouted out in protest as Auron removed his arms from me.

He told me to go, but I was afraid. What if I never saw him again? Who knew where Anima was going to take me next? I begged to stay as Anima began to take shape. I saw in her dark eyes how she looked at us with such sympathy. She held one hand out, waiting for me to come with her. I shook my head several times. A gentle push from behind told me I had no other option.

Just before taking Anima's hand, I turned and asked Auron one last question, "Will I ever see you again?" My lip began to hurt, and I realized that I was biting it. I waited for his response, knowing that my entire life depended on what he said next.

He blinked once and then answered, but not in the way I anticipated, "You must not care if you live or die." He spoke harshly before adding more this time in a much softer tone, "I will only cause you pain and death. Go. It is time." He turned away from me and took up his sword. The last thing I saw before fading away was him taking up his battle stance.

* * *

"You care for him, do you not?" We were back to the place Anima and I had shared lunch. I refused to answer her question, blaming her for taking me away from the one person whom I thought cared for me for who I was. When I talked to Auron, it wasn't as if I were talking to my cousin who loved me because she loved everyone. It wasn't like Wakka or Lulu who were nice just because I journeyed with them. And Kimahri, well he didn't talk much anyway. The most I ever got from him was his telling me to stay who I was. Tidus talked to me because I was the first person he knew after coming to Spira. I didn't mock him or tease him, because I had lived through enough of that myself. I knew what it was like.

No, when I was with Auron, I felt like a human being. Our conversations began rather childish, but I soon discovered how to be myself and not who others thought me to be. He spoke to me as I was an adult. One that just needed guidance in the right direction. Perhaps that was where the attraction for him began. Before I knew he was unsent, I looked up to him. But I didn't do it like the others. To me he was a human, just like the rest of us. He just did something we were each about to be remembered for, he defeated Sin and lived. It was his battle with his anger and Yunalesca that killed him. After all I had seen while here, I was starting to wish I could just be dead as well. In fact, anger began to cloud my thoughts so much I began to want all of Spira to die.

As soon as I realized where my thoughts were going, I froze. I was thinking like a fiend! Me! The person who always strove to see the best in all wanted to see it go down. I grabbed my head tightly in my hands and screamed out. Gentle palms rested on my shoulders, and I roughly threw them off. I deserved a place like this. I deserved to stay here and face the penalty for my thoughts.

"Rikku, calm down. All will be right in the end. But you have to trust that I know what is best for you now. Here, why don't you sleep for a bit? You will feel better when you awaken." Anima had not been scared away by my flailing. She was just like what a mother should be. If she were this nice and gentle with me, I couldn't understand why Seymour turned out the way he did. If I had known my mother long enough, and she had been like this, I would have probably been the sweetest person on Spira – after Yunie, that is.

But when she told me to sleep, I couldn't understand why. If I were dead, what was the point of sleep? Even so, I found my lids feeling heavy. I glanced at Anima and probably called her something that wasn't quite so nice, but she just smiled at me anyway.

* * *

I was having a very pleasant dream about being able to see my mom again and being held safe and sound in her arms when I was shaken awake. Grumbling, I rolled over to see who it was. Needless to say, I wasn't too happy to open my eyes. In front of me stood my guide. She assured me nothing bad would happen, but I guess she didn't count on the fact that I would go crazy.

I realized that I was upright, apparently not an impossible task in this place. It was an odd feeling, but one that faded quickly. Anima stared at me sadly before taking one of my hands into her own and leading me elsewhere. Her gaze refused to meet my eyes, and I began to grow nervous. I asked her what was wrong, but she just gripped tighter to my hand. I wondered when she could have become so strong. She certainly didn't look it. Then again, she was an aeon.

We soon stopped moving once we reached a place not unlike where we had just come from. The flowers around me flowed in the wind, and I closed my eyes for only a moment, enjoying the feeling of something I had almost forgotten about. I heard voices, one I recognized as Anima's, but the other belonged to a young boy. Opening my eyes exposed me to my first encounter with the fayth of Bahamut. Although I didn't know that at the time. I think I blurted out some smart remark along the lines of, "Who's this kid?"

The boy smiled at me before greeting me by name. "You don't know me, but I have been watching you for some time now. Rikku, we have brought you here for a purpose. Do you wish to know what that is?"

Did he even need to ask? I told him as much, although I was a little bit nicer. My eyes darted around me as I tried to take everything in at once. Anima was standing next to him, and she held her hands out in front of her like she was trying to catch some object that was about to fall from the sky. Her hands slowly began to part, but were always out-stretched. Pyerflies began to gather inside of each of them, and I gaped in wonder.

The little boy fayth was talking again, and I had to pull myself away from what she was doing so that I could pay attention. "A choice. You must decide now," he said. I totally missed it all, so I asked him to repeat it. "It is time for you to make a choice. What will it be? We can return one of them to you, if you desire."

Wait, what? I used one hand and ran it down over my face, still not comprehending. Get who back? My attention went back to Anima's hands, and suddenly it all became clear. On her right hand stood an image of Auron, while her left held one of my son. I had to pick one of them? That wasn't so bad, until Anima explained more. Whomever I picked, meant the other would cease to exist.

Now, I know that I might seem like a crybaby; and, granted, you would be right – but this time, I think I had a good reason! Let someone tell you that you have to decide on the fate of another and see how you feel! I begged and pleaded with them to let me take their places – to let me die and one of them to live. It wasn't right that they would have to suffer because of my words. Tears poured down my face as I threw dirt around from my place on the ground. It was childish, but I didn't care.

Anima was the first to say something, after a long silence. "Self sacrifice is easy," she said. "It's having to sacrifice ones you love that puts your convictions to the test."

I stopped my unforgiving bawling and stared at them. The two fayth looked at me like they already knew what I was going to say. Wouldn't have surprised me in the least if you told me they did. In that moment I made the biggest and hardest decision I have ever made or will do again. I opened my mouth to speak, "I..."

* * *

I woke up back in bed. _My_ bed in Besaid. I was still dressed in the linen gown I wore to sleep. Everything was just as it had been, save for the light that now streamed through my window. The sun had risen over the horizon some time ago, and I could hear Yunie shouting for me from outside my door. I ran one hand down my face before rubbing my eyes. I wondered if all that happened had been nothing more than a very real-feeling dream.

Yunie was still calling for me, so I poked my head out and shouted through the window that I would be right out. She seemed visibly relieved to see me. I knew I couldn't have slept that late, but brushed the feeling off as nothing as I changed clothes and got dressed. I slipped into a white dress shirt and a short blue skirt. Under my bed, I found a pair of long boots. My hair hung loose around my shoulders, and I let it stay that way. When I found Yunie outside, she gave me the biggest hug ever. And that's saying a lot for my cousin.

"I was so worried," she said after letting me go. My brows came together as I frowned. When I asked why, she told me that no one had seen me in over a week. I was then dragged all over the village so that she could show everyone that I was back and safe. It was kinda weird to tell the truth. I wasn't used to everyone being that worried about me. It was nice, but very strange. It wasn't until late in the day that I found time to be by myself.

I wandered outside of the village walls and began a half-minded trek to the sea. I strayed from the normal path several times, trying to take everything in. If I was really gone for over a week as Yunie had said, did that mean the dream I had wasn't a dream after all? It had to be! I would have been gone for close to a month otherwise, unless time was different in the Farplane.

I had stopped to rest near the falls along the path when my eyes shot open wide. If it really happened, that would mean.... I took off back for the village as fast as my legs would take me, and even then I pushed myself harder. I knew what I had to do, where I had to go. As I ran through the village I ignored Wakka's shouts as I passed him. I was heading right for the old temple, the one that was supposed to be dead inside.

There was a priest left inside and I could hear him calling out to me as well, but I didn't let that stop me, either. I ran straight up the stairs and to the doors at the top. I heard gasps behind me as they opened up without any problem at all. I solved the trials quickly, since I had watched Anima in her vapor form do it first. Seeing how easy this all was, I knew I was doing the right thing. This was where I was supposed to be.

Wakka caught up to me just before I was able to reach the lift. "'Ey, what's got into you? The last time I had to chase anyone in here was when Tidus first came to the island." He joined me on the lift just as it began to move. His arms crossed over his chest as he waited for me to explain. I had a little time to tell him the basics, so in a very rushed way, I did.

I told him how this was where I had been for a week, and how I had to make many choices finishing with this one. My foot tapped impatiently as the lift took its time to descend. I jumped off of it before it reached the bottom and ran for the door that led to the chamber of the fayth. He was right behind me, but reached out and grabbed my arm before I could ascend the next set of stairs.

"Look, Rikku, you can't go in there. Who knows what will happen, ya?" For the first time, I could see true fear overcome him. He told me that only summoners could enter and last time he checked I was no summoner. I understood why he was so frightened, but even after I tried to tell him there was nothing to worry about, he still refused to let me go. I relaxed instead of trying to pull away. After all we had gone through, this was the most special memory I would ever have of us. Wakka was showing his true feelings about me. After all the hatred he used to have for my people, he had grown enough to care about me more than his old hatred for Al Bhed.

I became overcome with emotion. Guess what? Yeah, I cried again. But this time they were tears of joy, not pain or sorrow. Wakka cared about me enough to try and protect me. As he let go of my arm, I reached up and hugged him as tightly as I could. "Wakka, I'm sorry, but I have to go. There is someone in there who needs me."

His body went rigid. I don't think he expected me to tell him there was someone in there. In an instant, his eyes jumped from the top of my head to the door above us. I suggested we go in together as a compromise. He agreed and held my hand because I'm sure he could see how nervous I was. Together, we climbed the stairs slowly, both unsure what was going to happen. My heart pounded in my chest, and it was a surprise that Wakka didn't let go, my hand was sweating so badly.

Once we reached the top, the doors opened and the leaves parted, giving us passage. I heard him exclaim in shock before we went through. I took a deep breath, preparing myself for whatever was going to be there, and I could hear him do the same.

The dome was still glowing, and if Wakka hadn't been holding my hand I'm sure he would have bolted. Two aeons stood in front of us. How they fit in the room was beside me. I heard Wakka gasp. To be honest, being this close to them in this form was a bit intimidating. They flashed and were then standing in their fayth forms making us both feel more at ease.

"Whoa! What's going on, ya?" I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing at Wakka's exclamation.

I pulled myself away from Wakka and approached them. I was unable to say anything at first, maybe because I didn't know _what_ to say. I just stood there staring, mind working overtime, but no words would come.

Instead, the little boy spoke for me, "You tried to sacrifice your life for another. There is no greater love than that. However, your own sacrifice was unacceptable. Your choice in the end allowed another to live, it is our gift for you."

"Gift, for me?" I repeated. Now, don't get me wrong. I love gifts and all. Who doesn't? But I'm not special or anything. I'm not like the great high summoners who gave their lives for all of Spira. I was never even a follower of Yevon! So I told them as much.

"Little Rikku," Anima took this chance to speak her thoughts. "As fayth, we care for all the denizens of Spira. Not just the summoners or followers. In fact, many of us never even worshiped Yevon. We followed along because it was our brief chance to be free from the stone that imprisoned us. It was our selfish desires to see a summoner come forth and do what no others have done."

"That, Rikku, is what Yuna has done for us," Bahamut added. I continued to stare at them before I began to play with the hem of my skirt.

"Still so confusing," I whispered. I caught a nod of Wakka's head out of the corner of my eye, and I knew that had I been alone no one would have ever believed this story. "That's great and all, but what does all this have to do with me?" I shouted at them as my voice bounced and echoed in the chamber.

The two fayth made one glance at each other before Anima stepped forward. She gave me that motherly smile that I had come to love. She brought her hands up to her chest and bowed her head as if praying. "You have chosen wisely, little Rikku." She whispered to me.

Behind her, the boy was speaking again, and Wakka and I both turned to listen. He explained that the child I had, the one that began all this, was the key to everything. He was given to me so that he could be used to redeem another. That was the reason he was born incomplete like he was. There were parts of me, and parts of his father that were needed to make his father able to live once more. Wakka found his voice before I did and asked the question that was bugging me.

"How can you just say who lives and who doesn't? What if the father didn't want to live, ya?" I loved Wakka right about then. He took the words right out of my mouth.

"Trust us," Anima said, still with her head bowed. She seemed to really be concentrating on whatever it was she was doing, but was still able to listen to us at the same time. One day I'll have to learn how she did that, but not then.

Bahamut went on to say that the pyerflies used to create the child volunteered to do it. It seems the fayth have a closer bond to them than any of us will ever understand. They can speak to the pyerflies and know what they wish for. If Meachen were there, I'm sure he would have been asking all sorts of questions about it. Anyway, he then told me the pyerflies were not truly gone; that they would live on in their next body. While my child was gone in the way I knew of him to be, he was not destroyed.

My hopes soared. If I interpreted correctly what I was being told, Auron was going to come back! Joy filled my soul above and beyond anything I had ever felt before. I turned to Wakka and grabbed hold of his hands and began leaping in circles around him. He had no option but to spin with me until I made him so dizzy he fell to the stone floor. At that point I let him go and faced the two fayth. I asked when I would be able to see him again.

From under his purple hood, Bahamut smiled at me. "Soon, very soon."


	7. The end to all things

Author's note: I must apologize for not finishing this on time like I said I would. I ended up deleting almost all of the last chapter because it seemed so rushed. (a problem I have with endings.) But then December came, and my workload doubled not leaving me with much time for other things. But no matter! I want to thank you all for taking the time to read even if you didn't review. I'm happy knowing that at least one or two people got some enjoyment out of this. Please, enjoy this last chapter, and I'll see ya around! Gin~

* * *

You have brains in your head, feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. In the end, only you can say where you must go. No one else can tell you where to find the answers you must find. Bet you didn't know all that, did ya? Or maybe you did. I learned it myself just recently.

* * *

The first place I went was home. I had expected Auron to be there, and for almost a week I waited and watched. Still, there was no sign of him. Soon, I was back to weaving with Lulu in her hut. I figured it was time to begin earning my keep again. It made the waiting easier... but only a little.

We passed the days like that, weaving and talking. We told stories to pass the time, and I honestly think I could have spent an eternity that way if not for the anticipation. I probably would have too. One day, though, there was a noise. Gracefully, Lulu rose to the door, and then motioned for me to join her. In front of her hut, Tidus was talking to someone, the other person visible over the blond's head. Pops stood a good bit taller, after all; and, I could tell he was getting upset.

When their voices escalated, I thought I'd better get out there before someone got hurt. Pops isn't known for being patient, after all. I got between them and asked what was going on. Tidus began telling me how Cid insisted that he see me outside the village while he would not let me leave. Something about being defenseless or something. I waved him off with my hand and followed my dad outside the gates. Once we were out of ear shot, Pops refused to even look at me. He rubbed his head and stomped his foot a lot, though. I begged him to tell me what was wrong, but I was getting nothing. Suddenly, everything seemed to bubble over.

I must have said something mean to him – I don't know. I remember a hurt look on his face, then nothing as I stormed off in a huff back to Lulu. She had already gone back to work on the loom she was working at, so I took my place next to her. She began by asking what Pops had to say. She sympathized, but otherwise said nothing else about it. Lulu knows when to say something and when not to. I think that's another reason why I look up to her so much.

More gasps and shouts could be heard from outside again. I rolled my eyes, but got up to see nonetheless. My heart stopped beating as soon as the sun hit me. Strutting through the gates was none other than the one person I had been longing for, followed by my father. My jaw dropped open as his gaze caught mine. I noted, first, his hair – which was nearly all brown – and then that both eyes were working, although the scar remained over the right. His face had smoothed some, and his sword was sheathed on his back.

I thought he was going to come over to me, but he turned instead. He was heading for the old crusaders hut. Tidus and Yunie were quick to enter behind him. I hung my head in shame. Who was I to think that he would actually be back because of me?

"Rikku, are you not going to welcome Sir Auron?" Lulu asked me as she placed one delicate hand on my shoulder.

"No, I don't think he wants to see me anyway," I answered before walking away. I wasn't sure where I was going, not really. I faintly remember some trees and water around me. By the time my mind caught up with my feet, I was standing atop one of the waterfalls of the island. How I got there without realizing it is beyond my understanding. I must have taken the secret passage Wakka once showed me to get there. I looked below. It was a long way down. I slumped to the rocks under me.

I was feeling so dejected at that point that I would have settled for Clasko if he offered. The birds chirped around me, and I envied them for being so carefree. I pulled my knees up and rested my head on top of them as I watched the sky around me for a while. I was feeling relative peace until...

"Is this spot taken?"

I spun around so quickly it's a wonder that I didn't fall. I gasped as Auron stood there, coat over one arm, sword held in his other. He was pointing to a place near me, but not so close that he was invading my personal space. I really wasn't sure if I wanted to talk to him or not, so I shook my head instead.

He dropped the coat to one side before resting his katana on top. Very carefully, he sat down beside them. He watched me as I stared over the island landscape for several moments. Then, he spoke. "I should thank you for the gift."

I was quiet for several moments. "I'm sorry if I seem stupid, but what gift are you talking about?" I felt a little hysterical, but it came out quietly enough.

He watched me for several more tense moments before reaching to his hip and drinking from that jug he always carried. I watched as his throat moved when he swallowed before shaking my head and looking away stubbornly. The man was something else! Why did I bother talking to him?

I heard the cork being put back into the bottle before he placed it on the rock nearby. It made a hollow sound before he took a deep breath and spoke. His words being slow and thought out. Had I not traveled and seen him every day for months on end, I would have assumed he was quite dumb. "You gave me a gift. One I cannot possibly know how to return."

I twisted my hips so I could see his face. I went on to tell him that a gift is not supposed to be returned. I rolled my eyes next while I muttered about how stupid men could be. He was staring at me with an expressionless look. Of course, I was probably looking at him like I was the stupid one. Him talking about gifts and all, and I had no idea what I even gave him!

I stopped.... Suddenly, it struck me what he meant. The sacrifice was for his life.

"Auron, do you mean..." I began to say but could not find it in myself to finish my question.

His head tilted slightly. Whether it was in confusion or just waiting for me, I couldn't be sure. I thought I saw a nod of his head, but even that was hardly noticeable. I wished he would say something, anything! We sat there staring at one another before he finally said anything. "You should move away from the edge before you fall."

I snorted, rather unladylike, and crossed my arms again. It was like him to change the subject like that to suit himself. I did do as he said though. I used my hands and pulled my bottom back so that only my feet hung over the side. I stuck my tongue out as if to say that was all he was going to get.

It didn't seem to faze him. "Are you not going to question how I found you?" He asked softly, maybe so that I would not be scared of him or anything. It was a thought I didn't even pay attention to. I just figured he did what he always did: know everything about us all. I shook my head at him, and he gave me a slight smile in reply.

"I don't care how you found me, but I do have my own question," I told him quickly before I got too scared to bring it up. "Why do you look so different?" I cringed when he laughed at me. I was serious! There was no reason for him to laugh like that. I pouted again before he shifted closer to me and raised my chin up so he could look me in the eye.

He asked if I really didn't know, and I attempted to shake my head. With his hand there it wasn't easy. His smile faded and he dropped his head as if he were ashamed of me. Then in that rich voice of his, he answered, "The pyerflies."

Right, because that explained everything! Notice the sarcasm there. I stood and would have stormed off, but he grabbed hold of my ribbons and held on. I rolled my eyes mentally wishing for him to let go so I could go back to the village and work on my weaving again. Lulu was probably worried about me, too. I never did tell her I was leaving. "Auron, what do you want from me? You don't have to pretend to like me just to get me away from the cliff. It's not like I was going to do anything stupid anyway." I tapped my toe in frustration. The longer we stayed together, the more my heart would burn away until there would be nothing left. I just had to get away from him before I exploded!

"I apologize. That was not my intent. I came so that I might speak with you. If you desire, I will leave." He released my shirt and stood before picking up his coat and sword. Honestly, why did he even carry that coat if he wasn't going to wear it?

I stood in his way and held my hands out in front of me as if that would stop him from getting through if he wanted to. I looked quickly to the ground under my feet before lifting my face once more. "Auron, can you..." I paused long enough to take a deep breath. I could feel the blood rushing to my face, and I bit my lip and tried to force the blush down. "Auron, what do you really feel about me?"

He stood silent for several minutes, making me gulp as I awaited his answer. I had no idea what he must have been thinking, if he was even thinking at all. "Don't ask me what I think of you. I may not give the answer you want me to." I was so stunned that he just brushed right by me without any resistance at all.

I stood on those rocks staring out at nothing until the sun began to go down. Clouds had gathered, and only when I felt tiny raindrops hit my arms did I move. Very few things have ever had the power to stun me in that way. Auron's words hit me so hard and so deep. I dropped my head and stared at the rocks under my feet. On the ground next to me was the jug Auron always carried around. Droplets of rain water ran down the sides forming small puddles at its base. I had no idea if he'd left it on purpose or not, but no matter how angry I was at him I couldn't leave it behind. I scooped it up into my arms and carried it back with me.

I arrived back at the village and slipped in unnoticed back to my hut. After setting the jug on my dresser, I changed clothes for sleep. I fell on my bed and slept until late in the morning the next day. It was still raining, forcing many to stay inside. Sometime around the middle of the afternoon, I thought about how foolish I was being. I'm Rikku! People expected me to be all happy and hyper and a bit on the childish side. How could I disappoint them now?

Forcing a grin on my face, I rolled off my bed and changed clothes. I slipped on a pair of shorts and a halter top. It was time for this girl to play in the puddles! With only a passing glare at the jug I brought home, I ran out the door and into the cool Besaid air. No one else was out, but I made sure to make enough noise to make up for it. I received a few scathing looks, but I brushed them off with a wave as I jumped into the next puddle I found.

I was soaked, but feeling slightly better by the time Tidus came out. I called him over and asked if he wanted to join me, but he just shook his head. I pouted before leaning over and splashing him with my hands. He frowned at me before placing his hands behind his head. I knew that stance. He had something important to say to me.

"Rikku, you don't need to pretend." His blue eyes shone, displaying how much he pitied me. Well, I didn't want his pity! I didn't need it and told him that. For an added emphasis, I gave one good stomp of my foot, sending the muddy water flying at him. He used the back of his hand to wipe the mud from his face before shaking his head at me. "Look, maybe it's none of my business, but if you want, I can talk to him for you."

I stopped splashing and stared. I could feel as the water from my hair ran down the sides of my face and the mud that collected on my legs. There was no way he could have known, was there?

"It was kinda obvious. You leave for about a week. Later on, Auron returns. Sure it was after you did, but I'm not so dumb I can't put it all together. Wakka told me about what happened in the fayth chamber. What I don't get is what happened before all that." He reached out and pulled me close. I hadn't realized it before, but being this close to another warm body made me aware of just how cold I was. My body began to tremble as goose bumps traveled up my arms and down my legs.

It was hard to get the words out, but I was able to ask how many others knew, too. He told me only our closest friends knew anything and that they were not going to say a word to anyone else unless I wanted them to. Problem was I didn't want anyone to know until I knew what was going on myself. Yuna found us like this moments later when she came out to search for her boyfriend. I was passed off to my cousin, who led me back to my place where she prepared a warm bath for me.

As she sat behind me and scrubbed at my hair, I asked her what her thoughts were.

"Well, to be honest, I was surprised. But he seemed almost like the person he was before my father went on his pilgrimage. Maybe having his life back took away the anger he'd suppressed before." She went on as I listened intently. Yunie was telling me stuff about Auron I never knew before, and I suddenly wanted to know every detail. She rinsed my hair before leaving me alone. When she returned it was with a pile of clothes under one arm.

The water was cooling off anyway, so when she left the room again I got out of the tub and dried myself off before getting dressed. I owned a large mirror that I'd found once when I was exploring some old ruins. When I found it I was shocked to find it in one piece, even though the surface was awful dirty. After about an hour or so of trying to restore it, I found a treasure that I knew I would get lots of use from. Pops saved it for me during the raid on Home. I was overjoyed to see it in my cabin on the airship when we were fighting Sin.

I stared at myself in that mirror, only it didn't feel like it was my reflection staring back at me. My face was too pale, my hair too dark. Placing one hand on the surface, I used my other to inspect little things about myself that were new. My face had thinned out, my cheeks not quite so puffy and childish looking. Backing up, I saw that my hips had widened the slightest bit to give me the curves that a mature woman would have. There was still a bit of paunch in my belly from my pregnancy, but even it did nothing to distract from the fact that I was no longer a child.

For the first time I noticed the clothing Yunie had brought for me. It was a huge change from the normal outfit I wore when I was fifteen. She brought me a full length skirt and a kimono style shirt I assumed came from her closet at some point. I should have paid more attention when I put it on. It didn't feel like _me._ The top wasn't so bad, but the skirt needed to go. I ran to my room and pulled out another skirt that I loved. It was much shorter, stopping around my mid thigh. I'm sure it looked odd with the top I had on, but I was never known for my fashion sense.

The rain outside was letting up, but I still had no idea what I was going to do. I looked around the small living space I had before my eyes fell on the loom in the corner. I figured I had nothing else to do. I might as well finish one of the projects I had been working on so I could sell it later to earn some gil. I finished the task in no time and pulled it off the loom to study it and make sure there were no mistakes. When I was happy with it, I folded it up and placed it on the shelf nearby with the rest of the finished projects. When I turned to see what else I could do, I gasped in shock.

There, just inside the doorway, stood Auron. The shoulders of his coat were darkened from being outside. I tried to offer him a seat, but he shook his head.

"How long have you been there?" I asked when he refused to sit. He blinked once before looking to the floor.

"Long enough. How long have you been weaving?" His face lifted back up and we caught eyes. I might have thought he was talking about this one time, but knowing Auron that was not the case.

I carefully told him all about what I had been doing since we defeated Sin. I told him how I traveled Spira before finally settling down in Besaid when I found out I was pregnant. He hummed a few times during my recounts, but listened without interrupting me. When I began to tell him about my trip through the farplane, that was when he held his hand up and stopped me.

"Rikku, I should apologize to you for my harsh words yesterday." I played dumb, pretending that I didn't understand what he was talking about, but he wasn't buying it. He went on telling me how sorry he was for leading me on and that he should have never allowed it to happen.

"Do you regret it?" I asked as I sank into a chair, afraid of what his answer would be. I crossed my legs without even thinking about the message it may have sent him.

"I have never regretted anything. There is much I should not have done, but I don't regret it." He gave me a look of such sorrow that I couldn't help but to adore him even more than I already did. Or thought I did.

"Well excuse me for being a virgin, then. But I thought that when you do that with someone it's because you love them!" I jumped to my feet so I could yell at him with at least a little more force. "You can't just sleep with someone and expect them to be totally okay with it! That's not how it works!" My blood was boiling with anger. I don't know what he expected from me, but from his expression, what little he showed anyway, I could tell this was not it. He took a hesitant step back as if he were debating if he should bolt or not. Unthinkingly, I reached out and grabbed hold of the front of his coat. I saw his eyes widen just a little in surprise before his arms came up and held me close. I lay my head on his chest and listened to the sound of his heart beating. If only he had not said what he had next.

"Rikku, I'm sorry, but I can't love you." If he hadn't been holding me so close, I might have punched him right there. "Love is not a feeling. It is an act of the will. You have to want to love someone before you can. I hardly know you outside of the few months we traveled. That is not enough."

"But it was okay to sleep with me, then leave?" I accused him quickly. I heard him sigh before he began to rub my back.

"That was a mistake on my part. You have done nothing wrong. I took advantage of your weakness when I should not have."

I felt my face go hot at that, and I pushed it further into his chest as if that would help hide it. "I still hate you," I mumbled. I think he knew I didn't really mean that. So maybe I didn't love him like I thought I did, but I did care deeply for him.

* * *

Love is funny when you think about it. Like Auron said, "Love is not a feeling." You don't just fall in or out of love. You have to choose to love someone or not. But once you do, life will never be the same. There are different stages and different types of love. Yunie is nothing short of the general sacrificial love, the type that gives without expecting anything in return. My father is the parental love. He loves his children, but shows it to us in ways to help us grow and learn. Friends like Lulu and Wakka, and even Kimahri are very brotherly in nature. You are close, want to do what you can for the person, but it can be broken. It hurts, but in time you find new friends to replace what you have lost.

At this point, Auron and I were still in the friendship type of phase. I gave up a lot for him, just as he did for me, but there were still secrets we kept from one another (and many fights that we didn't). This went on for years as we slowly grew closer and closer. Our friends were shocked a little at first, but soon began to accept it over time. They could see we were happy together because we wanted to be.

I would love to say my story ends there, and that we all had a happy ending, but that's not how life works. Pain and anger and love are a natural part of life. You have to take the good with the bad, otherwise, what's the point?

Years later I did finally marry Auron. I was twenty-four at the time, and it was one of the happiest times of my life. By the time we did marry, our friends were more than a little excited for us. (They had gotten over the age gap between us, he twenty-eight and I being seventeen when he was gifted with his life back.)It took me that long to learn how to be mature.

It still took many years, and the birth of our next child for me to truly learn how to act mature. Although that's not to say I didn't regress once in a while! Auron was with me, and he taught me the correct response to many of life's situations. I made sure to make time for the rest of my family once a month, mainly for pops sake. He spoiled his grandchild even though he was not a pure Al Bhed. I think deep down, pops was happy to have a youngster sitting on his lap once again since I was too big. Maybe it was simply the joy that the Al Bhed may still have a chance in this new world.

My brother managed to find a wife over the years as well. She was much more calm and reserved then he was ( much like Yunie is), and it helped my brother to not be such a spaz. They ended up having three kids together, and what a blessing they all were. The oldest was much like his father when he was a kid. It sure was fun to watch his father track him down all the time!

Over the years Auron and I only served to grow closer. Fights became less common, while daily caresses became more so. As our son grew, Auron would take him out to see the world, while I stayed behind and continued to weave. I missed then while they were gone, but it was such a blessing when they came back to tell me the stories of all they learned. I joined then once in a while, but this was special time for them.

* * *

After many years together and age had caught up to us both, I could tell it was time to let Auron go. I had thought back when I was a teen and after defeating Sin I had faced the hardest thing in my life. I was wrong. While I watched my husband lay on his deathbed, it brought back all those memories this tale is full of. I knew he had finally lived out his life as it was meant to be, but that did not mean it was easy to let him go now.

I cried heavily as our son held my hand and rubbed my back. He was not immune to the pain of loosing his father as I could see moisture being repressed in his own eyes. We stayed by his bedside for days on end. If this was going to be our last moments together, I was going to make them count.

It was nighttime when Auron drew his last breath. I woke up suddenly when I did not hear the sounds of his deep breathing. Sitting up in bed, I leaned over him and cradled his still warm body to mine. I had cried all the tears I had already, so there were no more to shed.

I had comfort in those moments though. A little boy appeared in the room. He worse the same purple hood as always, the same golden wheel embroidered on the back. "It is time." He said softly.

I nodded my head as I thanked him. Auron lived out his life and I would be doing the same. I would be able to join him again soon. I smiled as I watched clouds of pyerflies fill the room and follow Bahamut. From deep inside me, I could feel Auron's words speaking.

"I never regretted anything."


End file.
